And that was the last ping she received from Mr A, followed by him blocking her off Facebook. Rude, manner less, immature, childish, and off course insulting would be the apt words to describe it all. But glad his low mind-set surfaced up and to her luck; he was out of the scene, for good.
Let us rewind things a little bit. This is the story about a girl who was in ‘that phase’ of her life, where her parents believed, that the only important thing in her life right now was to settle down. She was in that phase where she ran out of all possible excuses, to delay the drama. It was that phase where her father thought, if not done ASAP; the world would simply collapse, whereas her mother was overly worried about her biological clock ticking away.
But she wasn't really ready for this drama in her life yet. She watched her friends get married one by one and saw some of them step into motherhood as well, but somehow, it did not fancy her much. She and her single friends would often laugh over getting older day by day, but would also feel good about still acting like insane teenagers and being totally irresponsible and stupid.
It was not exactly that she wasn't ready; it was just that she was confused. In fact, she was majorly confused. She was not sure about what she wanted. I mean she knew what she wanted to wear for her wedding, knew exactly what color to wear and even sort of planned out her hairdo and also the jewelry for the big day (Thanks to all those professional wedding photographs all over the internet, and also thanks to all those wedding magazines, one stumbles over at salons). She had a circle of super crazy friends and she knew they were all going be her bridesmaids, without even her consent. Her wild bunch of friends even had her hen’s night sort of planned out (though she was highly doubtful about the male strippers they promised her); her first-night-gift also was pre-decided by them, and she knew it was something she shouldn't open in front her in laws for sure! All these seemed all exciting and fun, but she wasn't sure about the main aspect of the drama – THE GROOM! She didn't know what kind of guy to look out for. In fact, she didn't even know if she was ready to get married or if she actually wanted to get married at all or not. The whole idea of marrying and living with some ‘stranger’, for the rest of her precious life, totally freaked her out!
Anyway, her worried father, totally aware of her confusion, knew she wouldn't really utilize the liberty given to her, to find a guy on her own and thus decided to self-hunt the prey. He was way too freaked out himself, and thought if waited a bit longer the eligible candidates would be gone off the market and she would have to compromise with the left overs, that is, if something would still be left! He decided to spread the word. In no time the word reached the entire family and their families and the neighbors and their neighbors, old friends, new friends, friends of friends and that distant uncle and that aunt who probably never met her in the last 20 years and that other uncle staying across seven seas and seven oceans and that blah and that other blah and that blah’s blah. Meanwhile, completely convinced by the commercials, he decided to open up an account on a very famous matrimony site. That’s where he shortlisted a few so called eligible samples. One among them was Mr A. In no time contact details were exchanged. Father spoke to father. And tadaaaa Mr A coordinately invited over to SEE her with his family.
Now, she was someone who totally didn't agree with the concept of arranged marriage, leave aside the concept of matrimony site! Think over it, it’s nothing but more or less an advanced online dating site! (No wonder the popularity!). A list of opposite sex profiles are put up for you to pick from. You send a request to the ones that seems attractive (what so ever the reason maybe) and wait for a response. If graced by a positive reply, chances are you guys will meet up soon, aka date. The only difference being, it is most likely to be a group date with supporting cast involved. But if you are among the lucky ones, you may get to experience the one-on-one date privilege too! I bet the idea of matrimony site was stolen from dating site! And besides this, there really should be a way to sue these sites. Except for the contact details, these sites don’t really validate any other details put in, including facts like if he is already married with 10 children or not, or if he slaughters goats or cures the sick for his living. A friend of mine insists that these sites should include a criminal profile as well! She tried explaining the same to her parents but they were way too trapped by the marketing strategies.
The girl agreed to just go with the flow, simply to avoid any kind of Bollywood drama and emotional scene at home. She decided not to inquire a thing about the guy, simply because she didn’t feel like it. No, she wasn't trying to surprise herself in Hindi movie style, more like she trying to save herself from watching a horribly made horror movie.
Finally, the day came and she was totally amused in a weird way as she watched her mom prepare for ‘His Excellency’s’ arrival. The snacks-shacks, chai-shai, mithai-shithai……. everything was pre planned and set. The house seemed extra cleaner than usual days. She got dressed in a simple salwar suit and her stylist for the day, I mean her mother, came over to ensure she was ready to walk the ramp. She scanned her head to toe, and from nowhere suddenly dropped a bling-bling gold chain around her neck and a pushed a nice, intricately designed, super shiny, gold bangle up her wrist. Going by the question mark blinking on her face, her mother just smiled and said “Girls look prettier in gold” (Probably wealthier too!). So after all the added beautification, her mother led her into the hall where the judges for the evening were comfortably seated and were enjoying the beverages served already. The panel consisted of off course Mr A, his brother and his parents. Since she didn't bother looking at his snap earlier, she wasn't sure which among the two brothers the 'Guest of Honor' was. The girl sat quietly and was bored to death listening to all those tall stories the families bragged about themselves. Finally she understood why girls always looked at the floor during such scenario. It is not because she is all shy and coy. It is because she is utterly bored.
Through the very-boring-super-fake-conversation happening in the room, she learnt the guy was a doctor (why am I not surprised!). A few obvious questions asked to the girl, like “What is your name?” Seriously? Maybe they were just voice testing the product. Occasionally they would casually comment, “I think she is feeling shy”. (Only if the venue for this meeting was the club down the lane, they would know how shy she actually was!). Next it was decided; the girl and boy should talk and get to know each other. Suddenly the seating arrangement changed and there, Mr A sat next to the girl. Oh off course the rounds of samosas and mithais continued side by side. How convenient! They come home, hog on some nice eateries and plus the guy gets to totally flirt with the girl, openly! (Guys seriously if you are going to someone’s house for a similar reason, kindly do not go empty handed. When you know a lot of effort has been taken for your highness’s arrival, please acknowledge it in whatever small way you can. Remember you are not doing them a favour by showing your face. Trust me it will only help you make a better impression).
Unlike a Bollywood movie plot, the first thought when he sat next to her wasn’t really an OMG feeling. It was more like OMG what is that smell feeling! No it wasn’t the cologne for sure. This was a girl who almost reached orgasm when she sniffed in some pour de homme, and almost went Euphoric walking around the isle in men’s perfume section! She definitely knew this wasn’t any of those masculine fragrances. This was odour, body odour. Silently she prayed for her olfactory receptors to get acquainted to the not so pleasant chemical stimuli ASAP.
Next, she decided to take a close look at him. She wasn’t someone who judged people by their looks, but then the bitch inside her reminded her, at the moment she really couldn’t judge him based on anything else but looks. Yes theory says it right; the first thing one notices about someone are his eyes and teeth. Eyes: They were huge! And as he spoke they somehow became bigger. He probably had spectacles on to prevent them from falling off his orbital sockets. (She had totally lost control over her inner bitch). Teeth: 3rd molar to 3rd molar smile! A full smile exposed his entire dentition for public view. He decided to take the lead, and started off with some random questioning, with occasional lamer than lame jokes, which didn’t really amuse her much. The jokes didn’t qualify enough, to even be a PJ. Subconsciously she marked him a big zero for the parameter- Sense of Humour. He wasn’t being a joker out of nervousness or shyness. He showcased his idiotism with absolute confidence. Next, a sudden rapid fire round: Do you like going to malls? Do you like going for movies? What kind of movies do you like? What’s your favourite cuisine? Do you like Mc D? (Asked in the same order) and once he got all the answers he put his thumbs up and flashed his Happy Dent smile! Not really sure if he had already planned out a date in his head. And by the way, his favourite restaurant was Mc D ??!! (I will not comment on that). She really wasn’t enjoying the conversation; she wasn’t sure if he was trying hard to be stupid or was it his default settings.
As the not so exciting conversation proceeded, he got into medico world and I swear he shouldn’t have tried to show off his 7 days dental-posting-knowledge to this chick, who by the way was a dental surgeon herself. You may have done your MD in Medicine, but dude, someone with a degree in dentistry will any day know about management of post extraction case far better than you. This part of the convo boiled her blood and aroused her violent streak. She was totally tempted to ram his head into the table in front and traumatize the points on his mandible, which had high chances of resulting in fracture!
Meanwhile, the moms went around for a ‘house tour’ (so that’s why the best of bed sheets were spread out I guess). When they got back to the base where they were seated, his mom suggested she should show him the house. WHAT? What’s the idea? Did they have some plans of robbery? (Now I know why my friend insisted on criminal history) Or were they trying to estimate the dowry? Anyway, she took him around the house in the fastest possible speed she could, when suddenly “Is this the top floor?”... “umm yes”… “What’s on top?”...What do you answer to that? A helipad? A Penthouse?...Her dad wasn’t Ambani to own a customized Jacuzzi or a personalised pool on top. Under normal circumstances, it’s generally a terrace, which was more than obvious for her resident’s architecture. Guess it was those cheesy attempts to take the girl upstairs for some hanky panky! But she did not take him to the terrace (though taking him upstairs and pushing him off, resulting in more than mandibular fracture this time, was an option) but back to the hall and just prayed for all of this to get over as soon as possible.
Finally they left and she was more than happy to get out of the salwar suit back into her comfortably loose micro shorts and hog on those samosas like a wild animal. Late at night she logs on Facebook and there, a string of pings from Mr A. She checked the time, first ping exactly 40 minutes after he left. She replied and decided to add him.
She decided to shoo away her inner bitch for a while and tried to connect with her good side! She thought over it and decided to give him a chance. She was cent per cent sure he had no idea what she actually was, and thought what if it was vice versa. She went through his not so exciting Facebook albums, shared his picture with one among the to-be-bridesmaid, who instantly replied nothing but just “eeeeeee”. She used her stalking skills to dig out whatever she could and wondered if he was doing the same. She wondered what his reaction was to all her party pictures in itsy-bitsy cloths with beer bottle in hand and boys by her side! Anyway the chat sessions began. No matter how super bitchy she would get in her head, she decided to be nice. He wanted to do this over phone, but she insisted on chat, simply because she didn’t want it look like she was waving a green flag. “Just wanted to know did you like me in the first meeting?” “Damn, should I actually tell him?” she thought. “See Mr A, I don’t believe in arranged marriage, and frankly I don’t think it is possible to know a person in span of few hours” “Yes I understand that, but still did you like anything at all about me?” ..Did he just re phrase the same question! She replied the same again. The re phrasing and para phrasing went on for a while. He then admitted that one meeting was enough for him to like her and that he liked her smile in specific. Surprised, she wanted to ask if he knew to differentiate a fake smile from a real one. She could only remember a fake plastic smile stuck on her face that evening.
This drama went on, and no matter how hard she tried she just couldn’t like him! They were different as individuals and their thought process worked at different frequencies.
Mr A: “So do you like fish?”
“Oh I love fish, but I am not a fan of bengali fish….I love coastal fish…rohu and ilish doesn’t excite me like it excites other bongs….I would any day prefer pomfret fried in southy style over them.. I’m more into seafood”
“Yuck! I don’t like seafood. I like fresh water river fish. Typically cooked in Bengali style”
She says “Finally it is raining.. love the weather…temperature under control”
“Are you serious? I hate it, it is so humid”
Mr A: “Do you drink or smoke?”
“Yep I do. I don’t smoke but yes I do drink. My parents aren’t aware but yes I drink on a regular basis….what about you?”
“Yes I drink too. What do you drink?”
“It depends on my mood. But usually its either vodka or rum..but lately whisky has joined the list ..you?”
“I like whiskey but my favourite is martini and red wine”
MARTINI?? MARTINI!! A guy’s favourite drink is martini? Oh boy what a turn off! She just wanted to bang her head against the wall. Martini glasses no matter how sexy it looks in a woman’s hand, it looks equally gay in a man’s hand. Fine James Bond’s drink is martini, but he was no Bond!! She imagined a scene, where she sat with a solid glass with some neutral shaded liquid on the rocks in her hand with a man opposite her holding a sophisticated glass with some olives swimming through some eye catchy, vividly coloured fluid.
“So you said you didn’t believe in arranged marriage? Then how did you get yourself involved in this situation?”
“I had some issues”
“Ok”
“What about you? Ever had a girlfriend?”
“No was always busy with studies. I never really had that kind of time. I had a stupid fling when I was in school, but she ditched me. Ever since then never got lucky. What about you?’
“I had a guy when I was in high school, but I was a kid then so doesn’t really count”
“Oh wow that’s a similarity”
In less than a second “But then, I had someone for about 4 years and I was pretty serious about him”
A sudden pause followed by chat window flashing “Mr A is typing” on and off with no actual message.
“Oh ok. Then what happened why didn’t you go ahead?”
“Well he is from the South and our parents didn’t agree…and that’s the issue I was talking about!”
“Sad! So do you still love him?”
“What do you mean?”
“Ok see all this drama happened recently. And we are still in touch” “See I could have hidden all these easily. But I decided not to, because I want things to be transparent!” “You should know about me, and I don’t want to build something based on lies. I hope you understand. Whatever happened, has happened but end of the day he is still a great friend of mine and I hope it is ok if I stay in touch with him”
“Oh that’s alright; you can be friends with whoever you want. I like your honesty”
Some random not related to the topic chat continued when suddenly….
“I am going to tell you something. You have been dumped and truth is you have been rejected. He will marry someone else and will not bother about you. He will forget you. He doesn’t care. That’s the ultimate truth”
Huh? From where did that come from? So all the while this WAS bothering him and there, it’s out. But boy you had hit the wrong button. Not only did you infuriate her, you just flashed your low mind set in a very obvious way. You didn’t even know the guy! You didn’t even know the circumstances under which things might have happened. Instead of being a little supportive or at least making an attempt to understand the situation, you decided to post comment about someone you had absolutely no idea about. Only if technology was advanced enough to send tight slaps at click of a button, with pain intensity controlled by arrow keys! The angry young woman calmed her nerves down and told him not to get judgemental about someone or something he knew nothing about.
This went on for another few days, and she realized this was heading nowhere. The kind of girl he wanted, she was not her. She discussed it out with two of her friends, one happily married and one happily single, to get a variation in opinion. It was a long discussion. (Actually, it was more than an hour long of laughing at the situation like mad haters followed by less than 5 minutes of serious discussion to come up with the final inference). It was decided to close the chapter. She wasn’t sure how to put it across. She actually framed the to-be-said lines, revised, re revised and finally made a third person proof read it to ensure it wasn’t rude and demeaning. She cut-copy-pasted the pre decided message, and clicked enter. In a while, he replied that it was alright and it was a good thing that she was not forcing herself into a marriage she was not keen on.
“If it is not meant to happen it will not.”
Good byes were told and they signed off. She was glad it was all over. She could sense her inner bitch and her good side chest bump and celebrate in joy holding hands but also felt a little bad just in case he was hurt.
Two days later…
Ping received, “If you don’t want me in your life why haven’t you deleted me yet?” WHAT? Where the hell did that come from? It never even crossed her mind, if he should be still on her friend list or deleted off. Seriously? We are not kids’ dude, that if A fights with B, B will unfriend A. Such things made sense when we were in second grade when fights over colouring book meant returning back friendship band we gave each other.
“Well I never thought of it that way? I thought we could be friends if not anything else” “If it bothers you, you can delete me”.
“We came to your house because your father REQUESTED us to do so. And it was with the intention of building a RELATIONSHIP and not FRIENDSHIP for your kind information. All your ISSUES that you have told me do not tell the same to anyone else, it may get your DAD insulted. Take care and do not waste someone else’s time.”
Before she could finish reading, she was already blocked off. Lord saved his Soul. If he had not blocked her, she would have given it back to him, pretty bad and probably would have burnt him alive with verbal fire.
We are not piece of unwanted, old furniture lying around the house that our fathers would ‘request’ someone to come over and take it off, for your kind information. Every father wants his daughter to be happier than the happiest. That’s the base line. It’s a mutual understanding between the families to get together and know each other. Being from the groom’s side doesn’t give you a superior power to accept or reject. It was just a formal meeting that you were meant to be part of, and mind you the girl was in equal par with you. The fact that you have put your “I am available” profile on a public site is a request in itself for people to check you out. If a father requests you to come over to give his daughter’s hand, do not forget automatically a request is made by your father to accept his son’s hand in return.
Secondly, let me tell you a fact. He who does not appreciate ‘friendship’ should simply perish. Be it son and father, mother and daughter, siblings, or even husband and wife. Without friendship the relationship is a major failure. You cannot build any relationship without friendship as core foundation. If you can’t consider your partner as a friend first, trust me you will never be able to live with her under the same roof. My advice, next time when you meet a girl, maybe you should try being friends first and then take things to the next level, it doesn’t work other way round.
She shared her issues, her past because she was taught by her parents to be truthful. Those were her basic principles of life - truthfulness, honesty, and understanding. But sad you scored zero in all three. (In fact you scored in negative and should be debarred from any more attempts, only if there was a ‘specimen review section’ in that matrimony site). If you cannot bear someone’s truth, don’t you dare even think about making her your life partner! Did you say you liked her honesty? But sad, you are so dishonest to yourself. If her past really didn’t bother you, you wouldn’t have made an assumption about some else, you knew nothing about. Needless to say, you did not even want to understand her. You only wanted to understand the part, already set in your head. Any deviation from assumption was unacceptable.
And to be honest, her dad was well aware of her issues. Daughters are apple of their father’s eye. She could have shown him enough and more issues, which you wouldn’t have even imagined to get yourself rejected and majorly ‘insulted’. Daughters are born with that privilege. You may have survival chances if you mess with a girl under her boyfriend’s wing, but when she is under her daddy’s wing, you have no chance honey. Maybe you should thank your stars that she kept her mighty daddy out of the picture, and saved your ass from getting insulted. Her parents were trying to find her, her prince and not just another random guy. They were trying in whatever way they possibly could. The fact that you actually got a chance to meet her was because she had enough and more respect for her parents.
Lastly, I really feel sorry because your time was wasted. Frankly, it was her time that was wasted trying hard to put up with your nonsense. Guess it wouldn’t have been a waste of time for you if you had a chance to take her out and if she had lied about herself and presented a fake her, to perfectly suit your assumptions. Hope you learn to accept reality and I really hope your narrow mind broadens a bit in future, for your own good.
Truth is you have been rejected. Oh is that a stolen line? Yes it is.
